Did you grow up with a parent who was:
- Emotionally disturbed?
- Substance abusing?
- Unreliable or neglectful?
- Mean, violent, or emotionally abusive?
- Fragile?
Growing up in the shadow of a mentally ill, unreliable, or substance abusing parent can impact you as an adult. You may experience:
- Depression and anxiety
- Trouble letting people get close
- Low self-esteem, feeling inadequate
- Numbness and shut-down
- Being extremely sensitive and easily hurt
- Addictive behavior or overworking
- Codependency: a tendency to rescue others at the expense of yourself
Being your parent's keeper:
When a parent is unstable or mentally ill, a role-reversal often happens where the child takes care of the parent, taking on responsibility a child shouldn't have to handle. It's an impossible task, leaving kids with guilt and damaged self-esteem. Or, kids may lay low to avoid danger or rebel and become "troublemakers." If you can't rely on your parents to help you, guide you, be kind and stable, childhood can be frightening. There is a lack of predictability and safety, and you never know what to expect. Shame, stigma, and family secrets may keep you from reaching out to friends or other grownups.
The ways you had to cope in your family follow you into adulthood, both the strengths you've developed and your limitations.
There is a path to a better life:
You don't have to stay stuck in the aftermath of growing up with fear, chaos. rage, sadness, or numbing out. In therapy, I specialize in creating a safe, welcoming place to explore yourself, to heal and reclaim feelings, and overcome blocks to risk-taking. You can begin to grow in self-esteem, self-expression, and in your ability to connect with others and have deeply satisfying relationships.
Chana Wilson, MFT
(510) 654-7560
Office in the Rockridge District, Berkeley, CA
chanawilsonmft@gmail.com
